The list of the ten funniest/most pathetic/most cring-inducing betas.
a.k.a. The Hall of Lame
Number 10 – The future DeVry student
We admit, this guy doesn’t exactly show any beta traits while talking about himself, but he does cover pretty much every beta stereotype. He’s an atheist, plays videogames, wears a trenchcoat AND a fedora, seems himself as a protector ( read “whiteknight”), wants a career in videogames and plans of persuing it in Japan. And to top it all off, this is his profile on a dating site.
Number 9 - The ovary exploder
At first glance it might look like he’s a jock or some idiot, but upon closer examination, our scientists established that this is one of the more deluded, and quite honestly nerdiest betas we have on here. He goes through stupid “ladiesman”, weeboo smiley face user and oh so random in about four seconds. Not to mention that the picture is his idea of dressing up.
Number 8 - Basement dweller
This man still has his sanity. We’ll give him that. It’s still more than what the people you’ll see after him have, but that’s about it. There’s not much that needs to be said here, except that he’s living a life, many thought impossible. He’s like a superhero…for losers.
Number 7 - Twilight Sparkle’s husband
Click the above link to see the full post, but basically it boils down to the fact that Jin15 is in love with the animated character Twilight Sparkle – a pony from the popular My Little Pony : Friendship is magic show. He takes her out to dinner, and we have unpublished pictures of him, his plushie and a bondage contraption he made himself. He said it spices up their sex life. We’re still not sure if we should post it.
Number 6 - Exhibit B
They only way this guy isn’t aware of why he’s undesirable would be some sort of unified lack of sense, where he cannot see, feel or smell. Seeing as he managed to write on Facebook, we’re willing to bet that, that’s not the case. Trying to date up (date someone who is objectively more attractive than you) is fine, but he’s trying to impress in all the wrong ways, because they’re the easy ones.
Number 5 - Euphoric man
Fifth place goes not only to the guy above, but to all high and mighty fedora-wearers out there, especially the ones who use this quote. You don’t have to be liked, but you have to not be hated if you wish to not be beta.
Number 4 - Xbox romantic
Number 3 - Hugged for money
This next one is a story, so you’ll have to click the link above to read the whole thing, but here’s the first paragraph.
I paid a girl $350 to cuddel for FOUR HOURS.
The girl was cute too. She was not asian, but she was still my type. The terms we both agreed on were we would cuddle in bed for a full 4 hours and she would tell me “i love you” at random intervals and make eye contact. However when push came to shove she refused to look at me and I had to pretty much beg her to say “i love you” and she only said it once and it sounded forced as all hell. But I guess it’s a mixed blessing because her voice was ****ing annoying as shit, she sounded like sarah palin.
Number 2 - Joe Strickland
Joe is an interesting guy, we were really tempted to give him first place, but 2nd will have to do. If you watch the above video you’ll see exactly how deluded and representative of the beta community he is. He just doesn’t understand how humans are supposed to work, and he thinks he’s some sort of rapper or a pimp (as he calls himself several times). To get the full Joe experience you might want to check our other posts on him, or just head over to his channel and subscribe. We know we have.
Number 1 – Rover
And finally, the biggest beta on the site right now.It’s another story, but we’re posting the whole thing.
My girlfriend dropped me off at the gym after I cleaned her kitchen and begged her for a ride. She forgot to pick me up and told me to get the bus since she’s going to see a movie with a “friend” from work. I got kicked off the bus because I didn’t have exact change and decided ‘fuck it’, I’ll just walk the 4 miles. After jogging for 2 miles I realized I was going in the wrong direction. I got back to her house 3 hours later and she still wasn’t home. I say down and took off my shoes. I had blisters all over my feet. Drank some water from the garden hose and tried to clean myself up. I layed on the cement next to the house and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning some tall dude was leaving my girlfriend’s house. He looked down on me and got in his BMW. My girlfriend wouldn’t let me in since she didn’t want any of my blood in the house. She told me to wait outside and that she would make me some food. I went back to sleep and woke up at about noon, stiff as hell. There was a dog bowl on the porch with some burned scrambled eggs and a piece of white bread. Later she told me that it was the only clean dish she could find and we eventually made up. One day I overheard her work friend ask “How’s Rover?” a few times, and realized they are talking about me. I want to leave her but I love her so much it hurts.